The Hardest Thing - Slow Down

The hardest thing that I am finding in all the changes that have happened is slowing down.

Not physically, I have always been happy to take my time and wander round slowly, to stop and take in my surroundings. And, due to COVID-19 and subsequent complications, I haven't had any choice on that side in any case. I have to go slow or I get exhausted and struggle with breathing.

The problem is mentally slowing down, not letting my mind race and try and solve every problem. My friend and companion on my journey has told me this so many times and I am still finding it a struggle.

The one area that I have been able to achieve this is in my reading. Since I welcomed God I have lost the urge to consume knowledge at as fast a pace as possible and find my pleasure in devouring books and publications at a rate of knots has gone. The one book I never used to possess, The Bible, I now have in my possession courtesy of an incredibly kind and thoughtful Easter present from Clare. I am reading this, but in a different way. It is a study bible with lots of narrative to go with the books and verses. I find 15-30 minutes reading gives me enough to think about for the day. It will I know mean it will take a lifetime of reading to pursue this to the end, but I am happy with that.

So it is just my thoughts, how I deal with things. I am used to letting my mind run with things, often in multiple directions at once. In my work life or tackling new things this normally works brilliantly. I can solve technical and logical issues at a faster pace than most, or eliminate dead-ends so quickly that I can concentrate on solutions whilst others are still trying to work out what is going on. Or in other areas I can let my mind try so many options so quickly that I can decided which way to head. This is fine for lots of things, but my struggle is stopping this spilling over into my relationship with God.

This is where my confusion keeps coming in, I am trying to deal with my new relationship in the same way I approach other new things. I want to explore and try and do everything at once to find where I fit in. I know in my heart that I don't need to do this, that just by welcoming God and accepting Jesus that is enough, but my head is still catching up with this.

I am hoping that by writing this down it will help, that it will let my head see what my heart already knows. That I will finally listen to my friend who has been so patient with me.