My Guide

This post is dedicated to my guide, a really quite remarkable young lady.

A little while ago, actually not that long at all, although with everything that has happened it seems like months or years!  Anyway I digress.  Sometime in the recent past this wonderful, quiet, happy, overworked young lady mentioned to me that she was considering a change of career ... more vocation really.  I was a little surprised as she had always kept very quiet about her faith and beliefs, so I was more than a little intrigued. 

She may have asked a few times why I didn't laugh.  Well, I think that is because she has always had a certain calmness about her, a certain something that makes her stand out. The least I could do would be to find out about her point of view and where she was intending on going on her path before questioning her decision.

The more questions I asked the more willing she was to answer and we drifted from philosophy to theology in our discussions.  At no time did she ever tell me what to think but at appropriate times offered a little prompt on where I might look for more guidance if I wanted to.  You know my starting point from previous posts. My views on religion had been drilled into me at a 'traditional' church school.  It didn't take too long before I was asking more questions of myself than of my guide, because guide is the role she played so well. 

Around this time I started to have doubts, not least about my sanity.  Through these moments she was always there, a smile when needed, a grounding comment when it was obvious (except to me) that it was to early to fly.  Many warnings that this was not an easy path issued from her ... but I may not of taken heed of them all. 

She showed me there were many different interpretations on the Christian faith, so much more than the fire and brimstone vengeful God that I knew from childhood.  More comfort and Love than I have ever know were always there as I transformed 50yrs of clutter in my brain to fit in with what I was learning.  She didn't laugh when I told her of the strange things I was hearing, seeing and experiencing ... just a helpful note or a quiet smile, maybe a suggestion that there is no such thing as coincidence, or a reminder that anything to do Him was likely to be crazy.   

All through this her troublesome burden seemed to be increasing, but her first thoughts if I contacted her were always to help, guide and comfort me.  At the time I finally gave myself up to God I so wanted her to be physically by my side, to catch me as I landed in this strange new world, but now realise that had to be a moment for myself and God, alone together for the first time.  There did seem to be a sense of urgency in God's calling, and despite so desperately fighting to retain my sense of self, my belief in my own strength and courage that I had known for so long, I now find myself somewhere new. 

This place is wondrous and filled with Joy and Love and Hope.  There is also sadness and sorrow but these are much easier to endure now I am here.  At first I clumsily ran around, and she was so patient with me, never correcting or chastising but waiting for me to come to my senses and helping find what I need to do.  You may be wondering where I go from here ... I really am not sure.  I have so much to learn from His teachings before I could ever be what she has been to me and I need to spend a lot of time studying before I find my new path from this, my little happy place.  I will be eternally grateful that she has been by my side along this path and, despite her heavy burdens has shown me the joy that can be.

I hope you can still recognise the young lady I refer to above, for she is you. I will always be here if ever you need and you will be eternally in my thoughts.

Take care my guide, my friend.