Missed Step

I thought I had completed my little journey to my safe place, to the calm and quiet spot where I can rest. It appears that I took a little short-cut and missed off a step on the path to here.

During a crisis moment I started off a message to my friend and guide by saying “...this oh so recent convert to Christianity...”. This turns out to have been wrong on two counts it seems.

The first mistake was “recent convert”. I was, when still very young, baptised as part of my Christening, and realise now I have always been a child of God. It is more a returning to the fold after 40+ years being lost, of being called back to where I belong. I do not regret those years in the wilderness on my own for they have made me the man I am now, and enables me to fully appreciate where I am.

The second mistake was to consider myself a Christian. This is the step I skipped over on my journey to my safe place. After my moment of crisis I was reminded to stop and consider where I am, to just stay still for a moment, that there will always be time for other things. During this time and looking around again I realised I had not stopped on the last step to accept Jesus for who He is, to pause and reflect and confess the wrongs I have done to Him, to accept him as my saviour.

Considering where I was at the start of the year I really cannot be more surprised with where I am now. My views on religion and religious assembly were quite harsh, and I did not believe in God, in fact I did not want to believe. Even once I came to believe in God, I still thought I could accept God on his own, without accepting that Jesus was his son, His personification on Earth, our Hope and Saviour.

When I made this acceptance the warm peace and serenity that washed over me was so total and overwhelming. It has stayed with me since then and seems to be brushing off on those that are close to me. During this time of isolation and crisis this is a good place to be.

So I am finally here, a true Christian. Even more bizarre, given a previous statement and the fact that the Churches are currently closed, is my need to attend a Church service. This seems to have been spotted by both my guide and Clare, my partner and love, before it was fully apparent to me. Clare has kindly gifted me time, space and quiet to attend remote services for which I give thanks. And yes, I did attend the first service in my life where I truly believed and understood what it meant. I just wish it could have been in person, but the time and place for that will come along when it is meant to.

Go in peace my friends – take care through these troubled times.