Longer Than I Thought

It is amazing what you can see when you finally stop and look around isn't it. I have been so desperately running around trying to find out where my next journey is that I have missed something really rather startling. 

Looking back I notice that the path that led me here seems to be a lot longer than I imagined. I also think that this is where I am meant to be, for now at least. I think this, my calm safe haven is my reward.

I also realise that I have been looking at other things the wrong way round. I thought that I found God, but that is wrong. He came knocking at the door to my heart at the appointed hour and it was up to me to let Him enter.

I think this is at the center of my confusion.  I thought I had converted to Christianity at that moment but have since realised that was my welcome home. I have been his child since the day I was baptised but had been left to lead my own life until I was required. I didn't need to seek God through Jesus,  but I did need to reintroduce myself to our Lord and Saviour so I could confess the wrongs I committed whilst out enjoying myself on my own.

So then, where and when did the journey start?

I think only He knows the real answer to that, but from my point of view it seems to have been a number of years ago when a colleague at work asked if I fancied a walk one lunchtime. This seems to be the fateful joining of paths. At that point I was going through a rather tough personal crisis and she lent me an ear to talk to.  She made no judgement or comment but gave me the sounding board I needed at that moment. 

In time that crisis came to pass but the lunchtime walks and talks continued. Mostly talks about inconsequential things. Over a short period of time this colleague became a good friend. 

I will make a correction at this point. I have kept referring to this friend as my guide - that is the wrong word. Companion is a far better word, for she was not showing the way as that I think had already been decided for us both. She kept me company, and what good company that was, and helped me when I stumbled or fell. I hope I was good company for her as well, and hope I helped her through her troubles as she helped me.

I left my post a while later,  and it was so sad to leave behind our lunchtimes.  Normally at these times I have never kept in touch with anyone from the past but this time was different.  I kept in touch with the one who has become such a close friend. 

It turns out I wasn't suited to my new role and I left at the end of my probation period. After that I took some time out and also contacted my previous boss.  The role I always wanted there, that I had asked to be created months before, had suddenly become available.

So yes, I took the role and rejoined the company I had left.   I rejoined my colleagues from old,  some new faces,  and most importantly lunchtimes with my friend. 

During my absence though some things had changed. The smile was there but not quite as full. The energy and bounce had gone. It did reach a point where I was pleased that she was looking at other opportunities for it was becoming clear she was taking on to much.  I encouraged her to apply for roles where her talents could be put to good use.

In January she let me know she was considering a career change but at first didn't mention what.  I think my response was along the lines of "What are friends for". On that day I was working from home, but the next day it was so obvious that what she was considering was right for her. The smile and sparkle were back, her infectious bouncy energy was still in there.

The rest of the journey, which picks up from this point has already been told, possibly several times by now, so I will not bore you with yet another repeat. 

Oh, before I leave this there is one final thing. I have mentioned that there seemed to be some urgency in God's calling.  I think now that it was less about urgency and more about the timing of a decision being made by my friend.